Transcript here Episode 16 – Taylor Marie – Ayahuasca

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human experience is docking with the

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Taylor Murray with us

Taylor welcome to hxp it’s a pleasure

thank you it’s great to be here Taylor I

really dig your rawness and your ability

to be honest it’s the reason we booked

you for the show why do you think people

are so drawn to what you have to say oh

thank you well I think people are drawn

to my videos because there’s definitely

a lack of honesty and genuineness in the

world and when they finally do here’s

some real honest truth it resonates with

them you know like we’re surrounded by

lies all the time coming from the media

government fake articles on the Internet

in fear of rejection or judgment or even

fear of offending others unintentionally

so you know I hope that you know people

will be inspired by my videos to be more


and authentic in their own lives which

in turn will inspire others to do the

same and hopefully make the world a

better place cool I really like that

so letting let’s paint a picture for our

audience I mean your life seems highly

interesting from your travels around the

world but especially your decision to

move away from your acting career how

did that happen okay well in August of

2011 when I was still involved with

acting I actually listened to one of Joe

Rogan’s podcasts where Audrey Marcus was

talking about his experiences with

ayahuasca and Ecuador now I’ve always

been fascinated by psychedelics

experimented them with them in high

school so naturally like I was

immediately interested and then when I

heard learned that ayahuasca is another

sacred hallucinogen that not only puts

the person into this amazing trip but it

actually helps people heal from

different physical and mental ailments I

knew right away that I needed to go to

Ecuador to try it for myself

some of the reasons for wanting to go

drink ayahuasca were to heal from you

know some past traumas that I had as a

kid family problems I had depression

anxiety really low self-esteem and

confidence issues and I also just

genuinely wanted to explore the medicine

and to see what it was all about I kind

of saw it both as a chance to heal and

grow spiritually and also to have this

really amazing adventure and story to

tell so yeah just a couple months after

listening to that podcast I was actually

offered a free trip to Ecuador with my

roommate at the time and one of her

friends and it was crazy because I had

never told anybody about my desire to go

to Ecuador so I definitely took it as a

sign that I was meant to go and find the

medicine there so um I brought the idea

up with my roommate she loved it she

convinced her friend that we should all

go and we did and yeah during my first

ceremony I was given this whole new

perspective on life I was shown endless

beauty you know thing

and people including myself I felt

unconditional love for all things and

then that was reflected back onto me I

started a completely new relationship

trees and nature in general and they

learned that you know all living things

are spiritual but that’s all

consciousness and every single living

thing matters and actually has a purpose

and you know I felt unbelievably

grateful during this experience during

this experience you know for the

experience itself for being alive for

the life that I’ve lived and will

continue to live and just for everything


and yeah I mean these experiences

they’re thus these lessons from ceremony

and these new perspectives they stayed

with me after the ceremony and just a

couple weeks after coming home from the

jungle I was sitting alone in my

apartment and I just suddenly had this

huge epiphany which at the time felt a

bit crazy to me and since nobody was

home to talk to about it I just decided

that I would turn my webcam on and

record it and then replay it just to see

if I actually was one crazy or not so

like what I actually realized in that

moment was that I wasn’t meant to go

into acting I mean not at the time

anyway which you know acting was

something I had been working on for

years and it was a dream of mine but I

definitely felt at that moment that I

was meant to do bigger things and I felt

that I just needed to go back to the

jungle to learn more about plant

medicines to apprentice of the shaman

and eventually just teach people about

the medicine and you know guide them to

the amazing healing and experiences and

yeah just a few weeks after that after

after I posted the video to YouTube I

made plans to go back to the jungle to

Peru this time for a whole month to work

with the medicine and that happened in

May 2012 wow that’s a really powerful

story really interesting why do you

think you’ve become kind

the you ask a chick why do I think I’ve

become the ayahuasca chick um I don’t

really know why I’ve become the

ayahuasca chick you know because there’s

a lot of people who post their

experiences online and definitely other

people who have way more experience and

knowledge than I do but you know I think

people gravitate towards my videos

because I do speak straight from the

heart and people resonate with that

right on how do you think you’ve

garnered such a large following kind of

a the same question repeated um well

like I started I think it’s because I’m

genuine and I speak from my heart and I

feel that people can relate to me and to

my experiences it’s probably also

something to do with me being this young

white western girl from Canada who you

know just decided to one day up and

leave to go out into the jungle seeking

this mystical jungle potion from its

shaman you know yeah I guess to a lot of

people it was a pretty brave thing to do

and you know the fenders the fact that

not a lot of people are comfortable

publicly speaking about their

psychedelic experiences since it’s so

taboo so I think that also draws people

in as well yeah that’s that’s really

profound do you usually set intentions

before a ceremony um sometimes I do

sometimes I don’t I mean in the

beginning I did because I had a lot of

specific things from my past that I

wanted to work on but there were times

when I would set an intention and my

variance would go in a totally different


anyway and you know other times I just

asked the medicine to give me what it

thought that I needed to learn or

experience at that time yeah it’s

interesting how the the medicine works

that way so so what is it like to work

with a shaman um it’s definitely a

unique experience I wouldn’t have wanted

to drink ayahuasca for my first time

without one I’m not even sure that I

would be comfortable drinking without

one like ever

you know shamans bring like generations

and passed down knowledge to the

ceremony and to the medicine itself they

have years of experience working with

plant matter

usually from like a really young age and

you know they learned to master the

craft they know the spirits they know

that other worlds they know how to

navigate it and then they you know they

also know how to heal and they work with

the spirits and the plant doctors and

ceremony to heal the patient’s like a

lot of people say that they don’t

believe a shaman is necessary and that

they can just make the brew at home and

navigate through themselves and you know

while it may be true that

you still will get effects from the

medicine by making it yourself you’re

going to be missing out on the guidance

and the healing and the knowledge and

the protection from the shaman yeah very


do not suggest that anyone takes and

brews ayahuasca and does it by

themselves you will lose your so so

I think in one of your videos you were

in the jungle recording so I really just

want to know what it feels like if you

could describe what it feels like to be

in the middle of a jungle on a

hallucinogen well it’s definitely a very

surreal feeling especially the first few

times doing it it can be pretty

frightening as well like it’s it’s very

dark there’s so many strange noises that

you’ve never heard before from you know

all kinds of insects and animals you

know there’s bugs everywhere I heard

about UFO sightings where I was and I

was totally paranoid about being

abducted during ceremony so that kind of

threw me off of it but yeah I like it’s

it’s madness but it’s also such a

beautiful experience you know to be

surrounded by so much nature is just

absolutely so nurturing and when you

look at the jungle through the eyes of

ayahuasca you really do see how much it

is full of life and consciousness and

you definitely feel that you kind of

merge and become one with it yeah I

think I I think I’m more afraid of being

abducted by humans than I am of aliens

so would you be comfortable with

discussing one of your more difficult /

challenging experience

okay I can tell you about this one

ceremony where after I drank the

medicine and it kicked in

I was basically forced to experience

pure terror

like there was nothing frightening about

the ceremony or the visions that I was I

was seeing like what I was seeing was

like a small group of spirits that were

sitting in front of me but they weren’t

frightening like they weren’t doing

anything it was kind of just like they

were watching me maybe waiting for me to

stop being so scared but for some reason

all I could feel was terror and it was

it was nothing like I’ve ever felt

before if I had to give like an example

of something that would produce that

same amount of Terror I would say that

it would be like being abducted by

malevolent aliens taking onto theirs

taken onto their spacecraft and having

them do experiments and surgeries on you

while being fully conscious and then

watching them do the same things to your

family while being completely helpless

and knowing that you’re stuck there for

like all of eternity so yeah I mean that

that feeling it was just it was

absolutely unbearable and there were

times when I thought that I was going to

seriously crack and just lose my mind

forever I was crying I was screaming I

was shaking I was hiding under my

blanket and it pretty much lasted the

whole ceremony yeah I was it was


but you know luckily once that passed I

was I was laying down and I had this

vision of my higher self who came to

deliver me a message it was such an

amazing vision I like never seen myself

like this before I looked very angelic a

little bit older than I am now with like

long blonde hair this flowing blue dress

and I had these like gorgeous silver and

white wispy wings behind me that looked

like they were made of like strands of

light was really really beautiful and

yeah my Higher Self communicated to me

telepathically and told me that there

was no diff

between her and I that I am the strong

beautiful confident woman that I was

seeing in the vision and that I should

never feel anything less than that I was

also told that no matter what situation

I may find myself in no matter how

difficult or how powerless I feel my

Higher Self always has my back and I’m

never alone and that I will always have

the power to get through anything there

was a bit of a mixture of a of like the

terror and then it kind of healed you

after that yeah it was sort of you know

put me through that terror just to show

me that you know I was okay I was fine

my Higher Self was there with me all the

time and you know it doesn’t matter I

feel like that that terror that I felt

was probably the highest form of terror

I could feel so now that I’ve gotten

through that I can basically get through

anything yeah exactly so what what’s

your advice for anyone looking to

journey into the Amazon and try

ayahuasca well my advice is to

definitely make sure to do your research

find the right center and the right

shaman for you seek out people who’ve

been to the centres that you’re thinking

about going to ask them you know if

they’re comfortable sharing their

experiences with you if you don’t feel

good about a certain place or shaman you

know even if the reviews are amazing

it’s then it’s probably not meant for

you just find what resonates with you

and another piece of advice which you

hear from everybody anyway because it’s

so true is to not have too many

expectations going into the experience I

feel like if you go in with really

strong expectations about how it should

be you’re going to block yourself off

from having a true experience because

you know you’ll be waiting for one thing

and completely missing out on what’s

actually trying to come through right

and what’s your take on the Daiya okay

well I know in the past I said that the

diet doesn’t matter but I would like to

correct that right now by saying that it

most certainly does matter the diet

prepares your body and your mind to

become one with them

it’s it’s not only about not eating

certain foods in order for the medicine

to work properly but it’s also about you

know the self-discipline of sticking to

the diet and you know the respect that

you have for the plants and for the

process as well hmm okay there there’s a

lot of information that you kind of

download during an ayahuasca experience

how do you personally integrate that how

do you integrate the information that

you receive through what you experience

through ayahuasca um well a big part of

it is you know just remembering what

those lessons are and holding on to them

the best you can and then actually

practicing them in your daily life it

can be really tough though especially

when you go back home to you know the

real world like in my personal

experience it was hard to bring the new

Taylor home because you know the people

I knew here had these expectations of

Who I am and how I should act so I

definitely caught myself falling back

into old patterns and habits and acting

the way that I used to around people

instead of being my newly found true

self but when I did like show my

newfound true self to people I

definitely lost a few friends because

you know there was no connection anymore

we couldn’t really relate to the same

things so it was it was hard but you

know it’s okay because people change and

you know friends come and go and luckily

you know my truest friends are still by

my side and that’s all that matters

I guess you know it’s also important to

have people to talk to

after you’ve experienced medicine people

who who know the medicine or you know if

you can’t find anybody who who’s

actually experienced with medicine you

know try to find people who understand

maybe you know psychedelics or

spirituality or even if you join a

Facebook group for ayahuasca drinkers

you know just just find people who can

talk to you to kind of keep you you can

keep each other motivated to to keep

those lessons alive that you’ve learned

from your experiences and like another

thing it’s also

important to allow yourself to be with

yourself and do the inner work that’s


you know like meditate read write I mean

I’ll be honest and say that I could have

done a much better job integrating some

of the lessons that I learned and you

know allowing myself to process

everything a big problem for me

personally which I didn’t even realize

until literally a few days ago is that I

was putting way too much of myself

online during the most crucial times for

like I should have been focusing inwards

to process everything and just to really

get those lessons in there so I was I

was way too focused but the internet you

know my followers emails videos I put so

much of my time and effort into you know

giving my followers advice through

emails or you know thinking about a new

video to put out or keeping up with like

oh my social media sites and I just I

forgot to do that important in her work

and yeah I mean I didn’t give myself

enough time to myself and fully heal

from some deep traumas that actually

presented themselves during the last

three years so one thing that I’m

definitely going to do now is I’m taking

a break from from the online world for a

bit I’m gonna just pull myself out of

the public eye for a while and put

myself into some talk therapy with

people who who understand the medicine

and spirituality and and yeah I just get

some just got some stuff out and you

know a lot of people would ask me you

know why why not just go back to the

Amazon and work with the medicine some

more but you know I I don’t really

believe that the medicine alone is

enough to deal with some issues yeah

it’s I definitely agree I think it’s

really important to integrate those

experiences and that’s a major

realization is that you’re you’re not

taking the time to kind of integrate

what you’re learning and for me

personally I it takes a while I mean I

don’t understand what’s happening after

a session immediately so it definitely

takes time to integrate and I think your

decision to move away from the public

eye is a really healthy choice and I’m


that you’re you’re doing that we’re kind

of doing this podcast and so that that’s

really cool that you are here with us

and so while you are can we talk about

the healing and transformative

properties of ayahuasca how do you think

this medicine can help people who aren’t

necessarily aware of it yeah okay well

well obviously it like the medicine is

not gonna help anybody unless unless

they’re aware of it so the first step is

to bring the awareness of the medicine

to the masses and then you know I think

the next thing is really getting it

legalized in you know used by

psychotherapists I don’t believe that

everybody needs to go down to the jungle

to experience it with a shaman in a hut

with a bunch of strangers I believe that

for this medicine to provide the best

results for people who are suffering

from deep-seated issues like depression

past traumas or serious mental health

issues I think it needs to be

administered by a trained

psychotherapist you know in a safe

comfortable setting you know where they

know the medicine well they understand

spirituality and you know perhaps they

also work with a true shaman or you know

perhaps the psychotherapists has

actually become a shaman themselves one

example of how ayahuasca can help people

is it allows the person to view their

life from a higher perspective it allows

them to see or relive traumas from their

past in a new way so not from the

perspective of a victim which is how

most people view these things but rather

from the perspective of an observer who

understands that everything happens for

a reason and this perspective provides

the person with the bigger picture of

you know why the incident happened what

lessons they were meant to learn from it

and how it can strengthen them as a

person rather than being beaten down and

you know making them feel weak and

powerless so yeah and then it goes on to

teach the person how to take this

perspective into their everyday life so

that when difficult life experiences do

arise they can deal with them better and

not instantly label themselves as

victim and slip into depression or rage

or stress and even if they do happen to

fall into the victim mode and become

depressed they will have a better chance

of identifying it quick quickly and

hopefully pulling themselves out of it

just like they did when they were under

the influence of the medicine yeah

that’s so massive how what is what do

you think what do you say to a person

who’s stuck in the same way that you

were doing something they don’t want and

maybe don’t have the courage to pursue

something else um

well honestly I mean if you really don’t

like where you are in your life if

you’re unhappy in any way then you’ve

got to do something to change it you

know a lot of people might be scared to

take that first step but you know once

you do you’ll you’ll find that the rest

is easy

well maybe not easy but I mean you find

it more enjoyable because you’re

actually taking the steps to doing what

you love and to being happy but I mean

if you’re too afraid of change then

you’re always just gonna be holding

yourself back I think a big thing is to

listen to your intuition I feel that

Western society has become so

disconnected from their intuitions which

is truly a shame because I feel like

that’s where all our inner knowing lies

you know it’s our it’s our compass it’s

our higher self leading us in the right

directions and personally I mean I don’t

believe that our intuitions can lead us

astray so if we can really focus on that

and learn to live you know from our

hearts and from our intuitions then we

will we will all just lead better lives

so what’s your what’s your take away I

mean what have you gained from your

experiences without you ask I um well

ayahuasca has really opened my eyes to

seeing the world as a playground you

know as a place for humans to to make

mistakes and to learn and to grow you

know it’s taught me that everything is

consciousness that everything is purpose

and meaning and at the same time it’s

also taught me that life actually has no

meaning at all you know life is actually

let you make it you give it the meaning

so if you

life is about hard work and stressing to

make a living then that’s going to be

your truth but if you want to believe

that life is a game and we’re here to

have fun and experience new things then

that’s going to be your truth I don’t

believe that there is a right or wrong

you know there’s there’s no good or bad

there just is and that’s all like that

man so what are you up to these days

Taylor were you what are you working on

um well as I said before I decided to

just take myself out of the public eye

for a while

focus on myself process everything that

have gone through during these last


an amazing three years I actually just

got hired full-time so I’m going to be

you know working in on the job looking

for an apartment here in Toronto and I’m

just gonna lay low work focus on myself

and my relationship and only since I

won’t be travelling again for a while I

plan on becoming a regular at float

Toronto which is a float center here

that just opened up in the summer

because that place is like a serious

little getaway in the middle of the city

and I encourage anybody listening if

you’re from the trip from Toronto or the

GTA I highly suggest checking them out

shout out to float Toronto yes so I

noticed that you have some retreats

planned how does that work um well

currently yeah I’ve got four retreats

planned for March April May and July

when once those are done I don’t think

I’ll be planning anymore at least not so

at time being however if somebody comes

to me with a group of four or more

people who are like seriously ready for

a retreat I will help you set one up and

if anybody is interested in doing that

you can just head to my website for more

information and that is Taylor Murray

org okay

well Taylor I know that you’re you seem

to be cruising and you’re taking your

tolerance tolerance break away from the

internet and I think that’s a great

decision and I’m so happy that you could

kind of make that statement here on the

human experience

do you wear how can people find your

work okay well there’s obviously my

youtube channel I did recently make most

of my videos private

I kept three of them up three of my most

popular ones I’ll eventually make them

all public again one day but just for

this break I’m gonna keep them keep them

down but anybody can find and subscribe

to my channel which is slash

bombshell space frnd and I’m also on

Facebook I have a Facebook page which

again I won’t be using for a while but

you can still like it and wait for me to

come back and that is slash

Taylor Murray ayah I’m also gonna be

back on Twitter at some point which is

at Taylor Murray ayah and I use

Instagram which is still up I’ve made it

private though so you have to be

approved to see my pictures I’ll approve

you though you know it’ll be okay

but that is also Taylor Murray aiya cool

well Taylor I don’t want to keep you

here for too long I know that you’re

about to get turn your computer off for

a long time so thank you so much for

being here and it was really informative

we will be back next week guys and this

is the human experience I’m Xavier and

we’re signing out

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