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strangers thank you for listening how do
I know I wanted to keep it real because
the cost of faking it until you make it
is is expensive and painful no I went
downstairs to tell my kin like Oprah
team just called I make it’s like well
cool but you know what the toilets
clogged downstairs
real life is always happening you know
that’s my definition of holistic right I
want to serve and I want to prosper I
want to talk about consciousness and I
want to make cash
what’s up guys Xavier katana here and
wow we have such an amazing interview
with Danielle Laporte – Ellen hurry book
white-hot truth clarity for keeping it
real on your spiritual path from one
seeker to another who does what we love
this this is a fresh interview you know
we get into some things that people have
talked about but I love
Danielle’s authentic miss and realness
and Aramis this was super informative
you will find it highly empowering thank
you guys so much for listening
[Music]the human experience is in session my
guest today is mrs. Danielle Laporte
Danielle it’s a pleasure welcome to hxp
Thank You Danielle
so you know I like to do this thing
where I’m just radically honest with my
guests we have a content director here
that brings new guests onto the show and
you know before her mentioning you to me
I had no idea who you were so can you
tell us briefly who you are what you do
please
well what I’m most well known for at
this place and time is a book I wrote
called the desire map which is all about
a more holistic approach to goal-setting
what I call goals with soul before that
I wrote a book called the firestarter
sessions and I’m most interested in
conversations around creativity and
consciousness I’m a mother I live in
Vancouver I have a pretty much women
lead women run business yeah that’s
that’s me that’s the nutshell version of
me your biography gives you some
different labels yeah entrepreneur
prominent writer speaker think-tank
executive and you never went to college
I mean so how do those labels fit into
who you are well I’m I’m all those
things I am a speaker I feel close to
life when I’m on stage is part of me
being of service I consider myself a
seeker who writes yeah that’s all truth
it’s all accurate you know I got a
chance to read your book last night and
I actually really enjoyed it I like your
writing style like the way that you
formatted the book you know there’s
something on the front the sort of the
subtitle of your book which says
clarity for keeping it real on your
spiritual path from one seeker to
another when did you find out that you
are a seeker and when did you how did
you decide you wanted to keep it real
well I think I was born a seeker and
that I didn’t fall asleep so I mean that
the craving to know how life works to
feel closer to whatever the creative
forces has always been there it was
there and wanting to write when I was
little it was there and feeling like I
had some connection to whether it was
like kids on the playground or angelic
forces so born this way did not shut
down have always been seeking will
always seek how do I know I wanted to
keep it real because the cost of faking
it until you make it is expensive and
painful when you’re off track where you
put yourself in situations where you
decide you know to survive you’re gonna
be inauthentic you know you learn that
showing up as who you are is really the
solution when did you start this process
of showing people how to find themselves
guide their lives where did that happen
for you you know it it showed up in my
first real job was working at the body
shop in Toronto and you know as a global
organization and I was pumping foot
cream and the stores and still having
talks with people about you know what
they were gonna do in their
relationships and then when I got into a
management position or a place of
leadership you know the conversation
expanded into bringing your whole self
to the workplace and how you could
really be you and you know those were
the days when social responsibility was
a fresh term so that was always there so
it’s not so much a when it’s just how it
showed up and it’s always been showing
up and now it’s a platform that I stand
and I’m really I’m committed to being of
service I want to make my money in a
meaningful way if I can alleviate
suffering in some way I’m gonna use my
talents to do that
you know that’s my definition of
holistic right I want to serve and I
want to prosper I want to talk about
consciousness and I want to make cash
you know I’m highly introverted but when
I’m out I’m out and I’m present so yeah
it’s a it’s always been there okay I get
that I can take that I feel like people
have this misrepresentation of success
they see the sort of end result of
success they see they don’t
see the hard work in the failures so
have you at any point felt like okay
I’ve made it this is the point you’re
sitting down with Oprah maybe that was
the moment where you just felt I’ve made
it I’m starting to do what what I love
to do does it you know when the
production team for Oprah calls you
that’s pretty cool real life happens I
mean one of the days that Oprah staff
got in touch with me no I went
downstairs until my can like Oprah team
just called and my kids like well cool
but you know what the toilets clogged
downstairs real life is always happening
there’s those times like the first times
when I would get recognized on the
street and people will come up to me I
get a lot of gratitude for like an idea
that apparently changed somebody’s life
so being recognized is definitely a
moment like a big one was I was in
O’Hare Airport and I was running to
catch a plane I think I was in between
gigs or something I was getting a juice
and somebody in line said oh my god
that’s like the Danielle Laporte voice
you must bow like my voice is getting
recognized so yeah those are fun moments
and you never at least I don’t feel like
I’ve arrived like there’s always
somewhere to be tomorrow there’s I want
to keep going and keep growing so yeah
there’s fun moments you tell your
friends like God I feel like I made it
and the next day it’s the next thing
yeah do you think that’s an ego type
process where you’re kind of always
pushing for that the next thing as you
said well I think you know that’s it’s a
great question and it can be an ego type
thing or it can be a really divinely
guided thing so I prefer to refer to it
as this divine dissatisfaction I’m
always gonna want to create I am a maker
I’m always gonna want to make but today
I’m gonna rest in the complete gratitude
and the respect and like the total
appreciation about what has showed up
for me and what I’ve done to help but
show up and sometimes yeah it can be
it’s what the Buddhists call The Hungry
Ghost you’re never satisfied it’s never
enough you can’t
Press enough people you can get 99
fantastic comments on something and one
negative comment and said negative
comment that sticks with you
you’re running all the time and you will
continue to run endlessly and eventually
bring yourself out and you get really
clear on who you’re trying to impress
and there can be a really positive or a
really dark answer to that one of my
core tenants is that you’re not actually
chasing the goal you are chasing the
feeling you want to have when you reach
that goal it’s best to get clear on the
feelings you want to feel and what I
call your core desired feelings and when
you’re clear on that then you come up
with your quarterly objectives then you
come up with your bucket list and then
you assess all the goals you have and
you figure out if what you’re going
after is really what you need to go
after for like your whole success your
soulful success because a lot of us are
just on achievement autopilot and just
trying to fix a wound trying to get our
dad to finally say he’s proud of us
it’s approval to to bandage some some
hurt that we have you can’t keep on that
track you’re gonna fry out you’re gonna
end up on Prozac it’s not sustainable in
the examples that you’ve seen with
people that come to you for advice where
do you see that expectations can be
problematic do you see that people sort
of set themselves up for failure you
know it depends so to the first part of
your question how can expectations be
problematic well they can be really
problematic and they can be incredibly
useful you know my learning is that the
trick with wanting something the trick
with desire is to really want it with
your whole heart to have as much belief
as you possibly can muster in deserving
it it’s not gonna come to you if you
think you don’t deserve it and then
you’re gonna try and meet the universe
halfway you’re gonna do your work you
know really show up to make it happen
but you gotta let it go and it’s really
paradoxical like want what I want with
all my heart but have no expectations
and I’m not talking about having no
expectations in life you know let people
treat you like or you know lower
your standards that’s not what it’s
about
but you have to leave lots of room for
mystery and how things are gonna show up
in your life this is part of the power
being really connected with how you want
to feel because lots of things can come
your way jobs and relationships you know
it’s not exactly how we had it on our
vision board it’s not exactly what we
thought but they make us feel the way we
want to feel and you know the
fulfillment is there so expectations
they’re messy and they’re tricky and
they create a lot of suffering and when
they’re used in the right like dose you
know having expectations can really set
the tone for things that’s where
expectations become more like standards
you know you know I have high standards
and that rates this rhythm it creates
this quality to my life has there been a
moment where you’re just like oh I’m
kind of sick of the self-help thing like
it is like narcissism and I’m just done
doing it and just just done with it has
how many times that happened to you well
sorry about how many times degree the
intensity so that’s why I wrote
white-hot truth you know was about
feeling tired of trying to be better
like constant self-improvement that’s
where I had to ask the question like Who
am I trying to impress you know my
spirituality had become another thing I
might to-do list it’s like therapy and
juicing and yoga and you know the long
list I wouldn’t say I hit the wall but I
said I got weary enough to have some
breakthrough thinking around trying to
get better at being better it is the big
theme for me in my life right now you
advise your readers to create something
called a stop doing list what does a
stop doing list and why is having a stop
doing list such an important thing
because we’re all doing things that we
don’t need to be doing that are self
sabotaging that are wasteful in terms of
all kinds of resources that we’re doing
for the wrong reasons
and I think what you stopped doing in
terms of what you’re going after is just
as important as all the new habits that
everybody in the self-help space is
telling you that you need you know you
want good things to come into your life
you got to clear the decks you want to
be strategic and mindful you have to
clear your mind you want to create new
habits you have to stop doing the old
habitual stuff once or twice a year
like I really consciously and
intentionally think of what I’m gonna
stop doing it has this it kind of
naturally happens usually there’s this
new phase of like there’s more requests
and there’s more demands and there’s
more travel and there’s more things that
I want to do and there’s the next book
and the next product and all that and I
feel like I’m heading towards being
maxed out take a breath
what goes on a stop doing this now you
know it’s like stop staying up too late
stop doing particular kind of interviews
stop taking a red-eye flight you stop
trying to get it right for everybody’s
birthday it’s a cleansing it’s essential
that I’m gonna steal that I’m gonna
borrow that you can just have it you
don’t even have to steal it you can have
it okay thank you so you know we talked
about this sort of climb to success and
Oprah calling you where was the moment
where you were just burn out or just
bottom I one of those two and where you
just felt like okay you know maybe maybe
I’ll turn around and you’ll do something
else
while the revelation around being fried
from a lot of self-improvement happened
sort of midway through my divorce so
there’s lots going on there’s lots of
life repair and things falling apart
with that that was a really big aha for
me I’m just like is everything I’m doing
to be well and good really helping me to
be well and good and the answer was no
not not all of it all of this is
punishing and a lot of this is taking up
the time I want to do things that really
heal me and really make me feel like
myself
I want the space and time in my life to
be with my friends not necessarily my
therapist I want the space and time in
my life to make what I make like
creating being of service is fulfilling
and it’s healing and it’s you know it’s
so much the answer but yeah I need space
to do that you know at the end of the
day this is all about you being your own
guru right like referring to yourself
not necessarily the coach not
necessarily the guy on Instagram with
the big Facebook following is telling
you all the time to just feel the fear
and do it anyway it’s like you feeling
what you need to feel and then deciding
if you’re gonna do it or not yeah yeah
that makes so much more sense than just
what you said before
you know that is a great segue into
something that I really want to touch on
because I think what connected with me
the most from reading your book was some
of the spiritual practices that people
just kind of adhere to or kind of lived
by and like there’s a chapter in your
book called open gentle heart big
bucking bents boundaries for spiritual
people so how do we create boundaries
that work
they’re hard to create so I think if
everybody just has that recognition that
it’s not necessarily easy for a lot of
people it’s like it’s a new muscle that
they have to exercise I mean women are
especially good at not having boundaries
it’s a whole new territory putting up
your big fence so just knowing
that sort of helps you do the work that
needs to be done when you start to put
up boundaries for yourself and I mean
this can be everything from like you
know the self-regulated boundaries where
you know you’re not gonna check your
email after 9 o’clock at night or it’s
the boundaries where you know you’re not
gonna do that exercise in the group
workshop you’re not gonna go home for
the holidays or you’re not gonna see
your ex anymore whatever those are
sometimes we go overboard and it’s like
we quit things and we we put up huge
stopgaps in place when really we just
need to just say you know I I don’t want
to work 60 hours a week quitting right
so sometimes we go overboard boundaries
are something that need to be declared
most of the time they’re not just
quietly held practices you know you have
to tell the world how to treat you as
Maya Angelou said so and that’s where
the hard work really comes in where you
say look this doesn’t work for me
anymore or this is what works for me or
this is how I want to do it this is how
I want to be talked to the reason it’s
difficult is because everybody wants to
be loved most of us want connection and
then there’s a huge threat just like
thought out of us or easier or you see
if I have boundaries like ways that
sadly boundaries respect is you know you
taking care of yourself in that way and
there’s a difference between boundaries
and barriers so I think the best
metaphor for this is that boundaries are
like the big fence you mentioned
you’ve made your declaration so people
are you know give or take people are
going to respect that you have some
peace of mind
you can you can chill right whereas
barriers are kind of like fake
boundaries and we haven’t really made a
declaration so we’re just kind of like
we’re just guarded and we’re walking
around thinking out like don’t with
me and don’t ask me to work overtime and
don’t talk to me like that but there
hasn’t been like this healthy expression
you end up exerting a lot of energy
waiting to maybe be attacked maybe have
someone cross your so-called boundaries
you know hmm
but boundaries are much harder work I
just want some more clarity on this
because how does a person keep an open
mind
an open framework and have healthy
boundaries at the same time so say more
about what you mean about that what do
you mean an open mind and healthy donors
let’s say that there is a person that is
experiencing this sort of looping event
where they keep experiencing the same
things over and over let’s say that
they’re in unhealthy relationship after
unhealthy relationship and they’re just
meeting all the wrong people and as much
as they try to shift what they’re doing
or shift how they’re thinking it just
doesn’t work like where do you see it
not working there
I see what you’re saying okay so it’s
about a pattern so first of all I mean
in this question we have to figure out
like what the pattern is so Lots there’s
lots of different ways to go wrong you
keep attracting people who don’t respect
your boundaries well in this case in the
boundary conversation it’s mostly
probably your problem because the world
does treat you how you ask the world to
treat you and people are gonna try and
push you and disrespect you if you’re
tracking that over and over again
there’s something I think that you’re
not being clear enough about you’re not
declaring and it probably you know not
to get super therapeutic about this
mm-hmm but it probably goes right back
to your own self-worth on some level you
still aren’t believing that you’re worth
respect you’re worthy of your desires so
yeah I think if you’re attracting
Stampeders then it gets back to you not
feeling really worthy oh I’d really
enjoy that I don’t think I’ve heard
someone explain it quite like that force
I really appreciate the fresh
perspective let’s talk about being the
Guru let’s talk about how we own that
power and realize that we are our own
gurus please explain how we do that well
this is the point and it can take your
whole lifetime I think I could take
multiple lifetimes I mean this has been
my own experience in order for me to get
to my own self agency and my own power
my own clarity I had to fall for a lot
of and when you wake up and you
realize you know that you’ve sold
yourself short or you kind of got
hoodwinked by a healer or a teacher or a
partner or a boss or whatever you know
you felt when you wake up when you
realize you fell for it if you’re on the
path of wanting to be more awakened self
actualize normally what happens after
that is you really get down on yourself
you’re just like how could I have done
that
I’m like such a new-age loser I must be
weak I must be defective why how did I
miss that but actually I think that’s
where the first really important reframe
needs to happen which is instead of
feeling like you’re a loser
because you got off track you have to
declare that
that was an initiation that’s part of
the passage of me waking up and
realizing there’s a different kind of
truth and it’s over here this is about
learning to be discerning and you can’t
learn to be discerning unless you buy a
lot of lies along the way so it’s part
of it and so you question like do I need
us do I need a coach do I need a
therapist the answer sometimes is yes
like maybe forever you know or at
certain times in your life do I need all
these tools all these things I’ve been
relying on do I need my mastermind group
join a my drumming circle and when you
decide to do that and kind of cleanse
and start looking to yourself some more
then the next phase comes and you get a
little freaked out and if you know the
big decision comes should I sign this
contract should I go should I say yes to
this person should I do this should I
buy it should I sell you’re gonna want
to refer and defer to somebody else and
that’s where he’s like hold tight it’s
like you don’t go get a fix like an
objective sort of perspective is that
what you mean no well just your
perspective nobody else’s perspective
you’re gonna it’s like it’s your call
it’s your call
there are people that I go to and say
what would you do what would you do if
you were me but the bottom line is it’s
me it’s me making the decision and I you
know whether I’m right or wrong about it
what I do the best thing or the worst
thing I want to make it because it was
my call it was my intuition not because
I want to make somebody else feel right
so even if it’s a fail I’m still
building my muscle in discernment and
clarity and intuition of power you know
that’s what everybody’s talking about
when they say the answer lies within so
I have fewer sources let’s say I look to
for guidance mmm more me and so far so
good
I haven’t severely up you know
like turns out I really can be the
master of my own domain what so working
out so far oh man I love that that’s so
refreshing
I find your radical honesty to be really
really truly amazing you know everything
that we’ve been talking about is so very
empowered
building boundaries and and learning how
to sort of trust yourself has there been
a moment where you’ve kind of wanted to
go in a certain direction and then your
your intuition or something internally
is just it’s like a wall and there’s no
way forward from that have you in that
situation before
oh yeah many situations I have had major
publishing deals that I have walked away
from there’s been a number of contracts
and various situations where you’re
building visions of the future and I’ve
just couldn’t sign it wasn’t working it
wasn’t didn’t feel right in my body I
was really clear this is not how I want
to feel I’m not moving ahead you know
I’ve been offered TV shows like you know
what it takes to do a TV show is not the
lifestyle I want to have I’ve been in
business with people who I thought would
take my career to the next level and
that if I parted ways with them could
really be damaging for me but it wasn’t
in integrity to stay and you know those
walkaway moments those I’m not signing
or you’re fired or I’m you know I’m
leaving those are defining those are
defining moments
everybody’s got intuition doesn’t mean
it’s easy to follow sometimes it will
take all of the courage you have you
will disappoint people you will risk
money you will leave money on the table
the times I have done that and done the
hard work to say no they brought me to
the next level you know the right person
has showed up a day later we made twice
as much money on the next deal or you
know sometimes magical things didn’t
happen but myself and my whole team
relieved
free happy lighter way more better
[Music]what’s up folks
Xavier katana here and you have been
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[Music]you
